


The Love You Deserve

by feversan



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Its fine we still love him, Light Angst, M/M, San likes cuddles, San needs love, Short One Shot, Sleepy Cuddles, Woo is kind of an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25586113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feversan/pseuds/feversan
Summary: Wooyoung isn't as affectionate as his partner, San, but he doesn't need to be. Wooyoung doesn't need constant physical validation to feel loved, but maybe he's not the problem. Perhaps Wooyoung had pushed San away for too long, and now is the time to let him know that he loves the other dearly.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 6
Kudos: 154





	The Love You Deserve

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the aircon live and I am in....tearS...  
> Anyway my friend cried when reading this so i hope you do too

Some days, Wooyoung looks at San and thinks to himself: _This boy really has too much love to give_. Sure, he may he dating said boy and would personally exterminate anyone who foolishly dared to harm him, but the majority of San's love came in certain forms; through hugs, kisses, cuddles and a constant need for validation. Despite this, Wooyoung understands they may not speak the same love language and has learned to adapt to the other's need to cling onto him. Though, to him, it seems San hasn't adapted to Wooyoung quite enough, causing moments like these where the younger really just wants to be alone with his own thoughts and nothing else. 

"Sannie, I don't want to call Jongho so he can pry you off of me. We've had this talk before." Wooyoung's voice is meant to sound reprimanding, but the natural high timbre of it causes him to come off as timid instead. Timid is not what he needs to successfully remove a whole 175cm, broad and muscular man from around his waist. San was positioned behind Wooyoung, and it took every ounce of control within his small, wiry body to not slam the back of his head into San's forehead. Maybe that's a bit too much considering Wooyoung is dating the man coiled around him like an unrelenting, overly affectionate boa constrictor, but he's irritated and his ribs are starting to hurt.

"Wooyoungie, you've been so busy and I've been so _alone_. The only company I had was Yeosang and he ignored me the whole weekend," San whined. His pink lips were pulled into his signature pout, which Wooyoung would normally find endearing had it not been for his pressing urge to get San off of him as soon as possible. Though knowing his flatmate Yeosang, San most definitely spent the weekend in silence with nothing but the few times Wooyoung could text him to make sure the older man didn't die due to lack of vitamin attention. 

"Later, San, _please_. I'm too tired to deal with this right now." Wooyoung didn't mean to sound as mean as he did, regretting the curt tone in his voice and the use of San's real name rather than a usual nickname. He didn't look behind him to see the damage as San unravelled his arms from around Wooyoung to set them limply by his side. Taking in a long needed breath, he whispered a quiet "Thank you". San reaches for something behind him, and Wooyoung can see from the corner of his eye that it's the other's favorite plushie to sleep with (Shiber is his name. San thought he was so cool when he named it). It's usually a substitute since San physically cannot sleep without hugging something. 

"I'm sorry, Wooyoungie. I shouldn't have pushed your boundaries like that. I don't know why I did that, I-" The break in San's voice puts a crack in Wooyoung's glass heart, and the younger stops San before he starts backtracking the last ten minutes and begins a deadly routine of self loathing. "Hey, Sannie, don't worry. Let's just get some sleep, yeah?" Wooyoung lifts the corners of his mouth up, but it feels so unnatural against the tight, chapped skin of his lips. San looks like he has more to say, but opts to keep his mouth shut as he mutters a quick "Yeah, okay" before laying down on the bed. He faces away from Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung doesn't know why he feels guilty, as if he just kicked a pet by accident or stepped on someone's finger. Still, his heart hurts seeing San look so puny next to him, as if he'd torn the older man down himself. Wooyoung supposes he'll apologize in the morning; now isn't a great time as he's naturally cranky when tired. 

He turns off the lamp on the nightstand to his left and hopes that this encounter won't cause any tension in the morning. The younger man doesn't want a repeat of the last time San pushed his buttons beyond his boundaries. He'd called San "annoying" and "insufferable", and Wooyoung doesn't think he'll ever forgive himself for those nasty words that made San too afraid to get near Wooyoung, fearing that the other would hate him if he so much as breathed near him. That was the biggest mistake he'd ever made in his life. Wooyoung lays down, back facing San. He pushes the awful memory down in the gutters of his mind and instead dreams of the raven-haired man beside him.

______

Wooyoung's joints creak and crack with his every movement, from his neck, to his hips, down to his toes. His sleep last night was cut short by San's strong leg kicking him in his shin followed by the said man abandoning Shiber for favor of Wooyoung's warmer body. The air conditioner wasn't on, and with the blistering heat of July, Wooyoung sweated enough to make every article of clothing stick to him like itchy tape. San didn't seem to mind his sweat and even greeted him with a direct kiss to Wooyoung's lips, chapped and horrible as they were. 

"Morning, Wooyoungie. Your alarm didn't go off, but I was up already anyway." San's beaming smile seemed brighter than the sun filtering through the blinds of their flat, his skin somehow perfect and black hair swimming in his crescent eyes. Wooyoung doesn't understand how San can see with bangs like those, but he guesses the other probably can't. "Guess that means it's time to get some coin," Wooyoung says through a small yawn. Getting up for work was never an easy task, especially to teach dance to all levels of learners from 10am-4pm. His joints weren't cooperating with him today, either, and neither was San too it seems. 

"It does no good to wake me up and then keep me here in bed all day, Sannie. I'll be back a little after four, just enjoy your day off." Wooyoung's vision is still blurry from remnants of sleep, but he can still see the other's expectant face, his eyes pleading silently for Wooyoung to stay despite knowing he can't. Not unless the younger wants to lose his job. 

San complies a little too easily, no usual endearing whining about how bored he'll be or his sweet pout. The older man rolled over to the the other half of the bed that wasn't being put to use, putting a significant amount of distance between them. Wooyoung hopes it's not due to any previous events from last night and beyond. "Yeosang is already at work and you'll be gone too. I guess I can just go back to sleep since it's only 8am," San states as if he's discussing it more with himself rather than Wooyoung. 

"Sannie, I'll get back and we can watch a movie and eat a lot of snacks, yeah? I'll be back in the afternoon, baby, just hold on," Wooyoung reassures, smiling at a sulking San. His heart melts at the sight and his body almost moves to engulf the other in a tight hug, but he decides against it. The other man lifts his arm so his head can rest on his hand, the sleeves of his shirt riding up just enough to show lean muscle and a nasty sunburn San got from swimming a few days ago. 

"Doesn't that hurt? Did you put any aloe on it?" Wooyoung questions, staring at the angry red skin on San's forearm. He cringes wondering how much the older man has been rubbing it against everything, from bedsheets, to clothes, to Wooyoung himself. "We don't have aloe, and I think I made it worse because it hurts more than it should. Why don't you kiss it better?" San raises one eyebrow, his previously cute pout drawn into a devious smirk. Wooyoung throws a pillow square in his face, still not used to the sudden duality of the other man. San acts like a complete baby one moment and then like a crazy sex demon the next. Wooyoung wonders if it drains San as much it drains the younger himself. 

"Get that taken care of, you baby. I don't want you getting skin cancer or some shit. None of us make enough to pay for the hospital bill if you do," Wooyoung jokes. San looks up from the pillow in his lap, staring at his burnt forearm as if he _was_ expecting a reassuring kiss to the healing area. "Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Also, shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" San questions, tone firmer than usual. His eyes weren't facing Wooyoung for favor of poor Shiber who was knocked to the floor sometime at night. 

Wooyoung stands up, aiming to enter the bathroom before deciding to give San a side hug, minding the other's sunburn. The younger was trying to reciprocate some of the much needed affection San needed, but it didn't feel genuine to Wooyoung, and San seemed to feel the same way. It was like the action was only done just for the sake of appeasing San, and Wooyoung wonders why everything seems to be hitting an awkward period these days. The younger shakes off the thought and heads inside the bathroom.

It doesn't take Wooyoung long to clean up in time to look presentable towards his colleagues at the studio and especially to his students who look up to him. Stepping out of the bathroom, Wooyoung feels like a new man, body energized and ready to move. San hasn't moved from his side of the bed, hands busy with his phone. 

"Good luck today. Love you," San speaks, lifting his head up to meet Wooyoung's eyes, eyes twinkling as usual.

"Yeah. See you later, Sannie," Wooyoung replies. He walks out of the bedroom and eventually out of the flat, trying to shake off the weird feeling in his stomach. A strange cloud of anxiety overtakes his mind, and it continues to gnaw on Wooyoung's conscious all the way to work. It seeps into his heart and threatens to distract him from safely crossing the street, the honk of a car pulling him from his thoughts. Wooyoung wonders what's up with him until he realizes that, _fuck_ , San told Wooyoung he loves him and the younger man responded with "Yeah". It was no wonder everything felt wrong after leaving for the day.

Wooyoung seems to be messing up a lot recently, and he hopes the other man doesn't think Wooyoung is shrinking away from their relationship. Stopping at another crosswalk, he sweeps his long hair out of his eyes, pulls out his phone and texts the other a quick "Love you too btw! Sorry I was distracted". Wooyoung knows it's not enough, but he'll have to make it up to San later. Somehow, he's already made himself six minutes late to the studio. 

____

Seonghwa's apartment is so much nicer than Wooyoung's shared flat ever could be. The older man swims in money, but he's never boastful about it. In fact, Wooyoung humbles Seonghwa with his constant teasing and whining, enjoying the reactions from the blonde man as he sighs in defeat. San and Yeosang were also over on the rare occasion where they could all hang out and catch up on recent events. Yeosang had just finished a story about how he dropped a whole bucket of chicken on the ground after tripping on the side walk and still eating said chicken because the "five second rule" can be elongated if it's for chicken. Typical input from none other than Kang Yeosang, Wooyoung thinks. 

Wooyoung's head is situated on Seonghwa's shoulder, messing with the older man's slender fingers out of boredom. San was seated across from him, attempting to do the same to Yeosang but being inevitably pushed away. The raven-haired man looks displeased, but covers it up with a smile as he giggles at Yeosang's literal downfall. His laugh comes out as a restrained chuckle, resembling that of a cough rather than a laugh. The sight hurts Wooyoung's heart and he immediately picks his head up from Seonghwa's shoulder. San and Wooyoung had to get back soon anyway since they both had work tomorrow, and the younger has a few things to fix at home relating to an irritable San pouting from the couch. 

Wooyoung bids his goodbyes to Seonghwa and Yeosang (who'd be staying the night) with San shuffling behind him. The sunset beaming through the lobby windows gave them both a filtered look, setting on San's prominent cheekbones and the deep curve of Wooyoung's nose. Just before they could exit the complex altogether, San reaches for Wooyoung's arm, changing trajectory halfway through and instead tugging at the hem of his sleeve.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" San begins, eyebrows knit together as if it was something troubling. His voice echoes through the empty lobby, reverberating off the reflective walls and worming its way into Wooyoung's ears. "Yeah, what's up?" The younger male didn't like the worry etched onto San's face, as if he'd start crying as soon as he opens his mouth. 

"Do you hate me?" The question pierces through Wooyoung's heart like a needle through a stitch. If it weren't for San's glossy eyes, he would've laughed at how ridiculous the question sounded. They were dating, how could Wooyoung hate him? Though, Wooyoung admits he's been awful lately, mistreating the other too often and hitting every soft spot in San's sensitive conscious. God, it makes him so guilty and sick to know he's the reason behind the other's crumbling insecurity. He doesn't try to make San upset but he still does and he's such an idiot. 

Wooyoung brings a hurried hand up to San's cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone in an attempt to soothe the other's worries. When was the last time Wooyoung showed San affection like this? What kind of boyfriend is he? Lifting San's chin up with the other hand, Wooyoung braves a look into his boyfriend's pained eyes.

"No, Sannie. I don't hate you, and I'm sorry I made you feel that way recently. I know I said I don't like too much affection, but I've been so mean about it." Wooyoung's hand drops to San's shoulder rubbing reassurances into it as if it would make San understand. "And about earlier-" San removes Wooyoung's large hand from his shoulder, effectively cutting him off. The action was so unlike San, and a new set of worry found it's way into Wooyoung's throbbing heart. The other's eyes lacked the usual spark it carried, tears threatening to spill over but being held back by the other's resistance. 

"Actually, it's better if we do this at home," San reasoned, his voice sounding so much smaller than his usual exuberance. San's eyes were trained on the floor as he began sullenly walking out of the complex, Wooyoung following close behind. None of them said anything the entire ten minute walk home, the tension settling over them like it was made of radioactive material. Wooyoung found it hard to breathe right as he looked at San's back, hearing the other sniffle occasionally and then wiping at his eyes as if it never happened. San continued to hide into himself when they entered their empty flat, entering their shared bathroom as Wooyoung waited on the bed.

_____

Wooyoung braces himself. He knows what he has to do, and he'd do anything to put a bright smile back onto San's beautiful face. He jumps as the bathroom door opens, the horrible creak grating on his ears as the other's figure comes into view. San looks distressed still, but there were no traces of tears on his face as earlier would suggest. San walks to sit by Wooyoung, ebony hair completely hiding his downcast eyes. 

For a minute, Wooyoung considers his words, not wanting to screw things up more, but San beats him to the punch. 

"You... seemed fine being cozy with Seonghwa today. Do you only hate affection if it's with me?" San questions, voice trembling as he clenches his fists on his lap. "I- San, that's not the case-" Wooyoung begins, stopping in the middle of his sentence as San turns to look him in the eyes through his thick mop of hair. "You haven't been saying you love me, a-and you keep pushing me away anytime I want to be close. I just... am I doing something wrong, Wooyoungie? Please tell me, because if this is your way of saying you want to break up-" 

Wooyoung in his haste grabs both of San's hands, causing the other to unclench his fists and grazing his sunburn accidentally and mentally cursing himself out. He doesn't miss how San winces. The younger holds San's hands close to him, rubbing hurried circles into them as they trembled with the rest of San's body. The older's face was scrunched with the effort of holding tears back, the sight gripping Wooyoung's heart as it strangled it inside him. 

"Hey, Sannie, hold on. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, okay? This is my fault alone, and I'm so, so sorry." Wooyoung watches the way San's eyes tremble, getting shinier and glossier by the second. "I guess I just didn't want to step out of my comfort zone, but I've been so selfish about it. I've been pushing you away and neglecting you... and I feel so _bad_ for treating you like that. You looked so tired and sad today, and it hurts to see you like that." Wooyoung pauses to take a breath, squeezing San's hand in the process.

"You deserve love, you _need_ love, and I've been depriving you of it. I'm willing to push my boundaries for you, Sannie, because I know you'll be so much happier." Wooyoung lets go of San's hands, moving them to brush the curtain of hair shielding his eyes, revealing welled up tears threatening to spill over any second. He cups the other's face on each side, running a thumb over each cheekbone. 

"I love you, Sannie. I love you so much," Wooyoung says, watching as the dam broke in San's eyes, cascading rapidly down his face. He shook like a trembling leaf, sniffling and desperately wiping hot tears away only for new ones to appear just as fast. Wooyoung pulled San into a hug, allowing the other's tears to soak his shirt as he rubbed circles into the small of his back. 

"You're amazing, Sannie. I love you so much, baby. It'll be okay." Wooyoung kissed the tip of San's ear, hugging his shaking frame closer as if to contain an explosion. San's heavy breathing worried Wooyoung, reaching too close to hyperventilation as the younger tried quelling him with soft reassurances and light pats on his back. 

"Are you okay, baby?" Wooyoung asks, moving his hands to hold San on either side of his slim waist, rubbing lines up and down and looking into his reddened eyes. San takes a moment to gather himself, wiping stray tears from his chin and taking in a deep, much needed breath. 

"I really needed this, Woo. For so long, I thought I was just bothering you all the time. I felt like an attention seeker and that I kind of deserved the distance, but it just _hurt_." San sniffled, nose threatening to run like his tears. "I'm sorry I'm being such a mess, I'm just really happy right now. I love you too, Wooyoung. I really do." The raven haired man smiled, happy dimples contrasting with the teary blush of his face. Wooyoung's own tears made their way into his eyes, not bothering to blink them away as he pulled San in for a heart melting kiss, still gripping the other by his waist. San didn't let his surprise last long as he moved a hand to grab at Wooyoung's shoulder, tilting his head for better access to the younger's soft lips. 

San quickly took the lead as he pulled the other closer, hands roaming the expanse of Wooyoung's back as deepened the kiss further. After pulling away and leaving Wooyoung breathless, San found shelter in the crook of the younger's neck. "You never deserved to be ignored, okay? I promise I'll be better for you Sannie," Wooyoung assured, tussling San's thick hair around, probably creating tangles and knots in the process. Wooyoung felt the other inhale his scent, humming in pleasure as he pulled Wooyoung down with him, both of them splaying their spry bodies across the bed. 

"I'll hold you to it," San giggled. Pulling down the sleeve of his shirt, Wooyoung wiped the remaining tear tracks from San's face, placing a kiss on his forehead when he finished the job. "But," San began, moving a soft hand to trace the side of Wooyoung's face. "Please tell me if I'm genuinely too much. I won't be hurt if you tell me nicely. Don't yell or ignore me, please." San's eyebrows knit together as he said the last part, and Wooyoung winced. Moving a hand to gently hold San's hand placed on the side of his face, he sighed. "I'm so sorry, Sannie. You shouldn't have to worry about me getting angry. It was really immature of me." Wooyoung gave San's hand a light squeeze.

"You promised you'd be better, so I'll have faith in you. I don't ever want to seem like a bother either." Wooyoung hummed in response, closing his eyes as San stroked soft lines across his cheekbone with the gentlest touch he'd ever felt. For a few minutes, a comfortable silence overtook the room, filled with only soft breathing and the sound of bedsheets shifting. Wooyoung considered turning the light off, but he didn't want to leave San's cozy side for even a second. They both seemed to be nodding off, the pale light of the moon already out and a long day at work waiting for both of them tomorrow. 

Luckily for them, they always keep the room dim as it was easier on both of their eyes. "Are you getting sleepy?" Wooyoung whispered, looking at a content San with his eyes already closed. The other man seemed to be close to falling asleep in its entirety as he responded with a mere hum. Smiling at San, he lifted the man's right arm, bringing the sunburned skin to his lips and giving it a gentle peck. "I kissed it better," Wooyoung said. San's eyes opened just long enough for him to giggle before closing them again, as if they were too heavy to stay open for more than a second.

Pulling the other man close, Wooyoung pressed a kiss on top of San's head, whispering a soft "I love you" to the tired man. San wasted no time in croaking an "I love you too" in response, snuggling closer with a faint smile. Wooyoung should really cuddle San more, he thinks. His heart grew maybe five sizes tonight seeing how happy San was to just have his love reciprocated once. San was so ecstatic he cried, and Wooyoung wants to keep the other the happiest he can be for as long as possible. Tracing the words "I love you" into San's back, Wooyoung eventually succumbed to the world of sleep, the machinations of his mind already creating a dream. 

As per usual, he dreamed about the man in his arms, smiling this time with his eyes formed into pretty crescent moons and ocean-deep dimples tracing his beautiful face. Wooyoung was there too, giving him all the love he deserved.


End file.
